How Wet Are My Pants Really?

I went to Portland in mid-July for a weekend. I had a lot of fun in Portland but the trip started poorly. This is the experience I recorded on the plane:

I finally fell asleep after reading and I was (I assume but don’t know for sure because I was asleep) feeling good and my body was being rejuvenated when I was rudely awakened by liquid splashing on my leg. My first thought upon waking was that maybe I was urinating on myself in my sleep, which was a horrifying and embarrassing first awakened thought, and when I started to wake up more fully and reassured myself that I was not, in fact, wetting myself on a plane, my horrifying second thought was that maybe someone in an adjacent seat was wetting him- or herself and it was spilling onto my foot and ankle.

I did not want to be peed on. There’s an obligatory R. Kelly joke here. Sadly, I never got to the bottom of the mystery. I smelled myself, and I don’t think it was urine on my leg. I think it was somebody’s drink that fell out of a hand or off of a tray table and onto the floor and me. But in peeking under and around seats while trying not to be too creepy, I never identified the cup, and the human culprit never fessed up or asked a flight attendant for napkins. So I’ll never know.

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